TotL – 5 More Things Microsoft Could Buy to Help the Xbox
News from Polygon suggests that Microsoft, in hopes of bolstering their sagging Xbox video game exclusives, may purchase a competing game studio such as EA, Valve, or PUBG Corp. This trend in entertainment of big fish eating other big fish is becoming far too common for my liking, but from a business standpoint it’s a wonderful idea. As the old adage goes” If you can’t beat ’em, but them! But if Microsoft truly wants to earn some capital with gamers they should aim higher. So, without further ado, we know what gamers really want, they might as well, and this is in no way serious in Outright Geekery’s Top o’ the Lot: 5 More Things Microsoft Could Buy to Help the Xbox.
5. Mountain Dew
The beverage of choice of most of the gamers I know, Xbox’s purchase of the greenish, hyper-caffeinated creation could cement the video game maker as not only the reason to stay up late gaming, but also the method used to stay up late gaming. They could even send Xbox gamers free cases of the drink every month for promotional marketing. Plus, Xbox can brand all the rainbow flavors of Dew with their brands and characters. Sea of Thieves Booty Banana and Halo Masterchief’s Melon are just two ideas.
Snack chips are a basic food group for most gamers, and Doritos brand chips are an easy in for MS to earn a bit more credibility from their user base. Again, they can send a crate to every Xbox Live member, brand flavors, and, most importanly, ban those sinister Playstation gamers from ever enjoying a Cool Ranch flavored piece of heaven ever again.
3. Taco Bell
To me this is a no-brainer. Open late (and now serving breakfast) Taco Bell has always had a wonderful relationship with both gamers and Xbox. But with this purchase Xbox can finally push Taco Bell to the heights that we only dreamed about in the film Demolition Man. An exclusive, members-only club that requires a Gamertag. Those Playstation gamers won’t be able to help themselves, and who can blame them? Have you tried that breakfast? It’s delicious.
Why bother with all of these small fish in the pond when the biggest fish of all is just swimming there ready to be caught? Sony is the other behemoth in this console war that’s enveloped the globe, and it’s in Microsoft’s very best interest to just buy Sony, close down the console side of things, kill the Playstation, roll all of the Sony Studios stuff into Microsoft Studios, and call it the greatest win in video game history (well, almost). And then Microsoft Studios could start making movies too! Who doesn’t want to see that?
The biggest fish in that pond in the context of a game studio wanting exclusives, Nintendo is the undisputed King of Exclusives. With a stock of characters that is unequaled in the industry, if Microsoft truly wants to get some must-have exclusives this is the company to buy. It also gives MS a foothold in Japan, a territory they’ve been slacking in, but the biggest get for MS in a Nintendo purchase is that new cardboard thing Nintendo has come up with. Cardboard is the future.